The only thing worse than a heartbreak is getting heartbroken by the same person twice. So is it really worth getting back together with your ex? 

Although getting back together with an ex can be viewed in a negative light, it is always worth giving a relationship the benefit of the doubt and weighing the consequences of either decision. After all, every relationship is different, and this decision is a complex one, which involves feelings, memories, and the potential for happiness or heartache. 

The first question one must ask themselves when attempting to answer this question is: “Why are they thinking of getting back with their ex?” One of the most common answers to this question is because they miss their ex, however, this is a decision driven by human nature.

It is normal for someone, anyone, to miss the person they were comfortable with. That is what we love, because we are afraid of the unknown, and long for the things we already know and can be familiar with. 

The familiarity and history one shares with their ex causes them to feel a stronger bond which can be hard to let go if the choice is between going back to what they know or starting again with someone unknown. 

Additionally, neuroscience suggests that the brain’s response to a breakup has a great impact on the body and many of its systems. According to Doctor Rhonda Freedman, a breakup affects humans’ “bonding system,” stating, “The bonding system is all about connection and is primarily run by oxytocin and vasopressin. Immediately following a breakup, this system can go into overdrive and push us back to our former mate; even if that person was not a kind or loving partner. We might feel alone and like part of us is missing due to the chemistry of this system.” 

This example goes to show how our hormones can go into play when it comes to feelings of wanting to return to an ex and additionally how it can cause one to overlook the bad aspects of a former relationship or partner in order to return to what we know.

Dr. Freedman goes on to explain how a breakup is closely involved with our bodies’ reward system, which motivates us to achieve the things we desire. She explains, “Dopamine and endogenous opioids are the primary neurochemical drivers of this system and reflect its involvement in pleasure and pain. The reward pathways are involved with addiction (to drugs, people, etc) and are part of the bonding system circuitry leading a person to crave their ex-partner,” in regards to the reward system. 

This shows how an ex can be similar to a drug by the way they are missed and craved, and even though this may seem negative, it is a normal part of love and heartache, displaying the depth of emotional ties one can have with their past partner. 

While all this may seem to point towards forgetting about your ex entirely, realizing that we are created with these hormones and reactions to love in order to protect ourselves also reflects that going back to an ex could be a solution to heartache and help both parties realize the love that they had is greater than the issues they faced. 

If the time apart from an ex has allowed both parties to learn and grow from the mistakes that ended the relationship, perhaps a second chance is the best course of action, as this could pave the way for a healthier, more renewed, and successful relationship. 

Overall when answering this question, it is important to understand the reasons behind why we love. In general, humans are wired for connection, driven by love and attachment. 

Historically, our attachments to one another have been an essential part of survival in order to provide emotional support, protection, and the nurturing of offspring.

Additionally, love fulfills a physiological need for belonging and acceptance. Being in a relationship can provide a sense of security and self-worth. All these factors contribute to the difficulty of moving past failed relationships despite the risk of heartbreak. 

The decision to get back with an ex or to move on should depend on whether or not you truly desire to rekindle the relationship, or if it is just a hormonal response to the loss of the relationship. The most important thing is that you and your partner can provide one another with happiness and love in a healthy way.