Trigger Warning: mentions of deceased or absent relatives, abusive households, etc
The last few months of the year are filled with family-oriented holidays, including Thanksgiving and Christmas for those who celebrate.
Many honor these holidays by spending time with their families and loved ones. However, for some, that is not always an option.
Many people our age, and even younger, have absent, deceased, or otherwise horrible parents or guardians. From personal experience, this time of year has always been difficult, and this year is no exception.
Of course, support systems and coping mechanisms exist and are accessible. There are ways to make this time of year easier for those that struggle.
However, that will most likely never “fix” the horrible feeling these individuals face during this time of year. Seasonal depression is another major issue people face around this time of year.
In addition to many having absent or deceased relatives, the holidays can be stressful for everyone, which can lead to an uprising in abuse within a household.
The holidays are filled with loved ones giving and receiving gifts, which can be a large financial strain on people that are already struggling to make ends meet.
As mentioned, this added stress can lead to dangerous circumstances for spouses and any children involved. While abuse rates raise about twelve percent in the summer, there is also a major spike in winter seasons.
Traumatic events and time periods like this almost always stay with a person forever, which reinstates why this time of year is so dreadful for so many individuals.
From personal experience, I have typically always had two Christmases, which may have its perks, but each household was vastly different.
At holidays with my father, our family of five (and later six) would do all of the fun and festive things, like shopping for and decorating a tree, decorating the house, making fun winter crafts, and many other fun things.
On Christmas morning, my stepsister and I would wake up early and walk into the living room to see a scene you typically see in movies with traces of Santa and half of the floor covered in gifts for everyone.
Later, our grandparents and other relatives would come over for dinner and more presents. To some, it would seem like the epitome of a “perfect Christmas”.
What most didn’t see was the overwhelming and debilitating anxiety I, and I’m sure my siblings, felt around those times. We were fortunate enough to not be physically harmed, however the yelling and constant shaming was unreal.
Since I stopped visiting my father two years ago, I have spent most holidays with my mother, while still visiting my father when invited (which did eliminate the previously mentioned yelling and shaming).
Holidays with my mother were vastly different. Most of my life, we have struggled financially, which meant that the “perfect Christmas” idea was something I experienced only sometimes.
My mom’s side of the family isn’t very big, so family gatherings were much smaller and less stressful. My mom and I have both struggled with mental and physical health throughout the holidays, so decorating wasn’t really a thing we did very much.
While I never got hundred dollar shoes from my mom’s side of the family, it always felt like home. It always felt safe. It always felt like how the holidays are “supposed” to feel.
This year, I want to either avoid acknowledging Christmas altogether, or go absolutely all out. I’m so thankful to have a mother that understands how much I struggle this time of year and is willing to make it as magical as possible, just like she always has.
The holidays are hard on everyone. For some, they may always be difficult. There are resources available for those that struggle, and it always gets better, no matter how long it takes.