An irreplaceable aspect of friendships is the ability to hold close conversations, whether to uplift one another or to simply share how your day went in the spirit of camaraderie. This is shown in the well-known Swedish proverb, “shared joy is double the joy.” Such communication is also vital outside of friendships, when it comes to discussing ideas and sharing opinions.
Yet in current friendships, media, and even politics, there seems to be a prevalent issue of critical listening being absent. In such cases, people might be more inclined to speak than to listen to what their peers have to say. This is especially damaging in cases where one could be so preoccupied with what they’re trying to convey that they miss out important takeaways from what other people are stating, thus disallowing valuable discussion and debate.
Psychologists such as Mark Goulston, M.D., have noted this phenomena and offered potential causes for this, stating, “if our minds are filled and we listen, we run the risk of overloading our brain’s circuits, forgetting things we’re trying to remember and worse, feeling pressured to not just listen but take on the responsibility for dealing with or fixing whatever someone is telling us.”
As Goulston has noted, the person we may be conversing with may not be able to listen effectively because their mind is preoccupied or they can’t compose their thoughts as clearly. With this nuance in mind, one’s ineffectiveness to listen critically shouldn’t be pinned entirely on them, and shouldn’t be grounds to actively go after someone for assumptions that one simply doesn’t care about what you have to say.
However, many students recall instances where they don’t feel heard in their own friend group conversations. Sophomore Bella Cervantes testifies, “There have been times where I feel like I’ve shared personal experiences with my friends…but they kind of made the situation about themselves. It was a little sad because…[I needed] reassurance in that period of time.”
As stated previously, a core part of many friendships is the ability to hold close conversations, and that comes with a significant amount of trust. But when that’s shut out by others not paying attention, it can be especially damaging when that extra support and guidance is needed.
Additionally, some individuals who aren’t well-versed in politics or respectfully choose to avoid such topics feel that the absence of processing and tolerating other views has led them to not be as inclined to talk about such topics. When asked about the current state of American politics and how it could be improved, Junior Kalvin Skinner said, “Both [parties] could be better understood so people could see which side they agree with more.”
In a Pew Research article that was released on February 11, from a survey taken in December of 2025, only 30 percent of American adults felt connected when discussing the news, with the rest reporting they sometimes (50 percent), rarely (12 percent), or never (3 percent) felt truly connected, with more adults choosing to step away from political discussions.
With this data in mind, there is a clear apprehension away from politics, with leading causes stemming from fears of scrutiny of others over debates of opinions. If open discussion is more widely encouraged and spread, then people would feel more welcome in these topics. Especially since participation and knowledge of politics is an important part of being a US citizen, we should be more inclined to listen to what other people have to say, regardless of whether or not we see eye-to-eye, and overall be respectful.
While it’s important to be mindful of what you say and compose it thoughtfully and clearly, being able to listen to who we talk to–whether in casual conversations or political debates–we should listen to what the other side says. Otherwise, we’re all talking to brick walls.