Last summer, almost every day for six weeks, I eagerly awaited new episodes of Love Island Season 7, an American dating show. I was here for the drama, the love, the kisses.
Fast forward to a couple of months after that, a few weeks ago, and I found myself watching yet another reality TV dating show: Single’s Inferno 5, a Korean dating show.
On the surface, both shows were the same: hot strangers, bikinis, connections. But it was obvious to me that something was fundamentally different.
I was struck by how two sets of contestants in swimsuits could so clearly reveal how we’re taught to love and what it means to be in love.
When I watched Love Island, I didn’t bat an eye when two contestants kissed. The show’s challenges were practically designed around physical contact.
However, when I watched Single’s Inferno, I found myself squealing when two contestants simply made eye contact or when they held hands.
I realized that these differences reflect something deeper, an underlying cultural difference.
Dating is never just about two people. It is a tangible reflection of how our society expects us to interact and express ourselves.
Senior Kylie Shing said, “I think that social norms have an effect on relationships, mainly due to how we are brought up and what values we have.”
In the United States (US), the individual is prioritized. Being honest is heavily valued and expected. Moving fast, testing chemistry, and declaring interest are all part of the norms when a couple gets to know each other.
Shing said, “You shouldn’t be responsible for what other people think or feel about you or your relationships.”
By contrast, in East Asian dating culture, feelings are expressed much more quietly and indirectly. A smile or glance carries much more importance and meaning.
People are much more cautious about how their actions affect others, and whether it is the right timing, whether it will make their partner uncomfortable, and whether it will ruin the balance.
Sophomore Christina Chang said, “It might prevent them from asking another person out or revealing their true feelings.”
These observations clearly reflect each society’s culture.
In the US, individuality is extremely important. Honesty is always celebrated, and personal happiness often outweighs group obligations. The openness of American dating mirrors a society that teaches young individuals to prioritize their own voices, to take risks, and to grow from every failure.
In East Asia, being more conservative in dating culture also reflects a broader culture of East Asia. Young people are taught to be aware of how their actions affect others, and there is a constant balance between personal desire and responsibility to others.
Chang said, “I think a relationship should be fun and easygoing, but it shouldn’t burden others.”
Even in the artificial settings of reality TV, the differences are clear.
They show how the social norms we learn and live with affect even the most personal aspects of our lives.
In the end, love is universal, no matter the country, but the way it is expressed is shaped by society.
Watching people navigate attraction and find love across cultures showed me how each society teaches people how to communicate, care, and love.
In order to truly understand love, we must also try to understand the society that teaches us how to love and what love means.